secretly stinky all the time.

secrets.

k: ewww.
2:37 PM oh, i saw that
me: you are secretly...
fat.
famous.
k: secretly stinky all the time
me: hahahah!!!
you are you are
2:38 PM our next stinker!
k: haha
me: it hurts.
k: oh god,
its only 2:30 something
me: good thing i am the only person in the building.
2:39 PM k: blah
me: my side hurts sooo bad.

freshman lardies.

Daphne Oz, 20, tells you how not to bust the ass out of your "fat jeans."

i am shocked that it doesn't include "...candy, frosted animal crackers, bagels and also late-night pizza delivered to (ones) dorm room..."

media library open house.

a fine selection of fluff, documentaries, and miranda july cds.

c.r.e.a.m.

completely annotated lyrics section. need i say more?
wait, yes! aldous huxley quotes!

dear ikea: stop it.

pseudo-melancholy ikea commercial neither really melancholy or funny. but they use as many umlauts as the new yorker and that is kinda funny.

pageninetynine, maillol, kitler, binswanger glass, busting rocks, pig stand houston.

duh. of course gmail reads every last word of your email. it goes without saying that your frantic searches for firearms, boobs, weed, etc. are going to be monitored and, unfortunately, public.

more crap to take years from your life.

rollergirls. this super engrossing reality silliness will have you cheering like a fool at your television. very good and very texas.

pee ess: sister mary jane is muy cute. unfortunately muy hippie as well.

monkeygirl, sweden.

beautiful, sad, wide-angle, goofy, and with cornish rex cats.

university prefixes explained.

lovely! i have never paid any attention to the nature of prefixes on campus nor did i think there was any method to the madness. i was wrong to do these things:

"This is just a friendly reminder in order to better serve our students, the UNT community, and the city of Denton. Campus phone numbers beginning with 2, 3 or 4 utilize the 565 prefix, while numbers beginning with 5, 6, 7 or 8 utilize the 369 prefix. Please be careful to give the correct prefix when providing phone numbers. Our office has received several calls this week from local Denton residents and businesses, due to students mistakenly dialing the incorrect prefix. According to the individuals that we have spoken to, the calls start up around the beginning of each semester, so in order to try and assist them, we thought a reminder to the campus would be our best way to get the message out.

If you have any questions please feel free to contact myself, or dial "0" to speak with any operator.

Thank you."

last supper: mr. sucksticks.

well, kiddos. it's all over but the crying, eh? denton's precious acreage of fry st. is going to be seeing some serious changes. don't fret, mr.chopsticks will be moving across the street in due time...

always a critic of the food there, i am not above grabbing to-go when my blood sugar drops to pass-out critical. so today:

my last mr. chopsticks meal from the original location. eaten at my desk. eaten unceremoniously while i think about being set-up on a blind date. with one of my now best friends... ok, i'm a bit weepy.

net worth minus lack of wit.

My blog ain't worth dick.
How much is your blog worth?

happy thursday to me.

if anyone is aware of my relationship with my neighbors, you will be as pleased as i am that they are GETTING SERVED A BIG, FAT EVICTION NOTICE today. no more fighting, no more pottymouth, no more doggie-anus gifts on my porch.

hc westermann.

for your humpday enjoyment:

buffy the vampire slayer.

oh, me. oh, my. i just finished watching the first and second seasons of buffy the vampire slayer. this all started on the recommendation of kimmers who swears it the greatest thing ever.

to be honest, the show is really good. look above! giles was once a bass player circa '78 uk!

AND it is really easy to get obsessed with the bad clothes that willow wears.

fakes.

britney.

kenny.

john.

adolf.

crazy frog.

deck shoe douchebaggery.

great piece from the New Yorker about yet another hazard related to having TOO MUCH MONEY AND TOO MUCH TIME on your hands.

ah, the jux.

ok, here's the game. pick a celebrity. got 'em? ok, now imagine them trying to impress you with their music knowledge. whatcha got?
guess what? who cares! this picture has already been made.

the evening star.

finished larry mcmurtry's "the evening star" this morning and although i was quite close to ditching it early on, it turned out to be pretty good after all.
outside of the countless houston references and antagonizing banter, the book works in both subtle and very un-subtle but not quite embarrassing ways. quite recommended if you have or have not read "terms of endearment."

corn mo.

i used to hate this guy like crazy. i am only now beginning to see the genius of this act. sometimes subtle, sometimes not, always entertaining.

and then today i ran across this youtube video on kittenpants. so, for anyone that needs a laugh and/or a change in their life or maybe you just want to hear a short, blond accordian player talk about watching naked ladies and drinking pabst, well, cheers.

smashism. r.i.p.

don't miss the sleeveless hiptard with a bag of snacks.

$5 to sweat like crazy and wait for beer.

i just found out that the brew tours at st. arnold in houston are no longer free. the handful of times i have been, it has been hot, filled to the proverbial gills and most importantly, very hard to get free beer without standing in line for 30 minutes. perhaps this will deter the scores of rice and u of h kids from coming every single week. or maybe not.

amarillo.

i have not been to/through amarillo, tx in years. beautiful skies and tons of fat, mashed potato-esque clouds all the time. on the downside there are massive feedlots in hereford (just west on I-40) that you can smell in amarillo. all the time... i suppose it is kind of like wanting to see the carnage of a car wreck, but i really wanted to drive past them.

gawker shop sale.

if twenty bones has always seemed too high for a gawker shirt that you will maybe wear once, now they are $16. and since they are american apparel shirts, you know the money you spend will certainly find it's way into the front pocket of dov charney's pants. how's that picture lookin' to you? hmmm?

for kim.

vacation starts...

NOW! i will miss you all! little fortune cat, little monkey, film chart... see you on the other side!

the hammer.

thanks to the support of the residents of sugarland, tom delay is still on the ballot. for now...

capitalist casualties.

playtime at j+j's for the all the boys that like to shake it like jerks. fortunately, the douchebaggery was not as high as it has been before at shows. wait, nevermind. "not as high" only if you count a broken amp head and an ill pa/mic. and a fight... people should figure out how to play ninja and keep from damaging the bands equipment. it's like the auto-destructing scene... ker-pow.

that being said, go see these kind folk when they come to a town near you.

ha-ha-hilarious.

i wish i knew how to quit you, washington post.
make sure you watch the dana milbank contest video...

nyc heat wave.

if you find this mildly funny, you probably live in texas.
i think the heat would be more bearable here in texas if we had like, games and stuff. really, i am for this game thing. if my backyard were not all dirt right now, i would invite people over to play in the sprinkler.

the liberation of aunt jemima, circa 2006.

well, see for yourself.